Heartless
by dbrianne
Summary: 2 months had passed. 2 painfully long months, but I knew that this was how it had to happen. The others, well they had to believe he was dead. They had to think that for the first time in his whole existence that he'd finally lost... but that was just it... Peter Pan never loses. Never.
1. Chapter 1

2 months had passed.

2 painfully long months, but I knew that this was how it had to happen. The others, well they had to believe he was dead. They had to think that for the first time in his whole existence that he'd finally lost... but that was just it... Peter Pan never loses. Never. I stand in the middle of the dark, damp cave in silence as I watch the man in front of me. He's older than me, and radiates power even though he shouldn't have any. I take a silent step forward, my bare feet lightly grazing the damp stone beneath me. This man had died... many months ago, but he didn't die alone. The man killed his father, and himself in an attempt to save others. This man killed his father... a man that looked like a boy until moments before his death. But even I knew that Peter wasn't gone... and neither was the man in front of me. I made sure of that when he left with the ship that sailed away into the night. I made sure that if anything happened... anything at all that Peter would be safe. I freeze in place when I see the man stir in his sleep ever so slightly. He does not awaken, and he will not for a few days, but I was still fearful. I do not know much about the man in my presence, but I know not to mess with him. I don't flinch when I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist. I instead, invite it. I lean back ever so slightly before I feel his breath against my neck. His hauntingly cruel chuckle echoes in my ear as he too watches the man in front of us. He kisses my neck lightly before I dare to speak.

"Who is he?"

I ask him as he kisses the side of my head gently.

"You already know."

He whispers carelessly in response, as his grip on me tightens.

"He'll wake soon."

I state almost silently as his chuckle is once again heard, and this time it sends shivers up my spine.

"I know..."

He rasps.

"... You've done a good job my little flower."

His voice is sweet, and intoxicating. Delicious, and poisonous... just as it's always been. His time away from me, and this place didn't change that. I turn to look at him, my eyes meeting his smirk before I see anything else. He looks to be about 17, and is one of the most handsome boys I've ever seen, but he isn't just a boy... no.. he's vicious when he wants to be. Manipulative, sweet, and down right villainous. I don't know how I've managed to stand by his side for this long, and somehow manage to stay out of the way. Almost no one knew about me on the island except him, and Felix.

"I did as you told me."

I whisper in response to his previous words of praise... I had almost forgotten that he'd said anything... I was too distracted by his face, and that smirk.

"Of course you did."

He states this smugly as I sigh looking from him to the ground of the cave. It's cold in here, and yet when he moves forward to touch me all I feel is heat.

"Don't get arrogant with me Peter Pan."

I state almost bitterly as he chuckles.

"Don't talk back to me Tigerlily."

I narrow my eyes at him before tucking some of my long black hair behind my ear. I don't want to fight, not when I'd just got him back. He's the king of Neverland, and I feared him more than anything else in this world. I glance over my shoulder to look at the man still laying on the ground.

"What is his name?"

I knew who the man was, but I didn't know his name...

"Rumpelstiltskin."

He states simply as more chills seem to move through me.

"Your son is the dark one?"

It shouldn't surprise me. Peter Pan wasn't an easy person to live with, and I couldn't imagine he was any better at being a father... Maybe with a childhood like that anyone would turn to darkness. Being abandoned wasn't something that people took lightly.

"Yes, turns out he grew up to be something after all."

He states this as though he's proud, but all it does is infuriate me.

"He is your son..."

I state turning back to face him.

"... Do you not care for him at all?"

I ask as he chuckles, he finds my displeasure to be funny.

"If I cared for him, my little flower, I would've used his heart to enact the curse, not Felix's."

I feel my eyes widen when he says this... He used his most loyal lost boy to start a curse? A curse that didn't even need to be started? I look at him and feel like I could burst with anger.

"You are without a doubt the most cowardly person I have ever met."

I state through clenched teeth, but I regret it the second I say it. I can see how his green eyes seem to grow a shade darker, and his jaw clenches ever so slightly. He moves his hands to my body quickly before pushing me up against the wall of the cave, knocking the wind out of me. It all happened so quick that I didn't even have time to process it.

"Do you want go in a cage too? Just like Wendy huh? Is that what you want?"

I glare up at him as his smirk grows, and his eyebrows raise ever so slightly. Once again this is a game to him.

"At least when she was locked away she didn't have to deal with you..."

My words sound like venom when I say them, and I know I've struck a nerve. He lets go of me, but doesn't move from my side.

"...At least she got away from you, along with the other boys. I only wish Felix saw through you the way the others did."

I hold myself feeling bruising from his prior touch, but I don't know why it bugs me... this isn't the first time he's been rough with me. His chest rises and falls in a steady pattern before he reaches out to touch me again. His right hand wraps around my jaw as he guides me to look up at him.

"You will not speak to me like that..."

He states through clenched teeth.

"... You forget that I'm still in charge, and I won't let anyone speak that way to me."

He closes the small gap between us his body pressing against mine, and his hand still wrapped around my jaw. It isn't the first time he's been close to me... I can still remember all of our secret nights when he'd come looking for me. His little secret flower blooming in the moonlight... this wasn't the first time he's touched me, or made me angry. We had a history, and it haunts me to this very day. He leans in slowly before pressing his lips to mine. He is slow, and sweet in his touches, but I know he's only doing this to distract me. To rid my mind of the anger, to get the spark raging inside of me once more. He knew I missed him, and that I missed his lips. He lets go of my jaw after a few seconds as the kiss deepens ever so slightly. But after a few more seconds he stops before pulling back to look at me, there isn't an expression on his face, but I can still read him. He's going to leave me again. He takes a step back from me, and I sigh looking at the ground once more.

"Do you regret it?.."

I ask.

"... Do you regret killing Felix?"

He sighs.

"No. I did what I had to survive. He was just part of that."

I close my eyes when he says this feeling my throat ache and sadness fill me completely. Felix was the only person I've ever spoken to since coming onto the island... well other than Peter. I feel a tear run down my cheek, but when I open my eyes I am alone again. I look around the cave and sigh before sliding down to the ground, my back brushing the cave wall. I look at Rumpelstiltskin, and cry because I know no once can hear me. In this moment I am alone with my thoughts... and none of them are even close to lovely.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

My eyes are closed, but I can still see the flickering of a light. Wherever I am it's warm, much warmer than the cave I was in. I feel like there are blankets covering me, wrapping me in a cocoon of warmth. I open my eyes slowly, out of fear. Now that I've gotten the sleep I needed I felt on edge, and overly aware of my surroundings. My eyes dart around where I am laying, and feel slightly relieved when I see that it's simply the place I've stayed hidden for the last few years I've spent here. My little home away from home was in a secluded place, safe from the others. I sigh sitting up slowly in my bed looking around cautiously.

"Are you frightened of me little flower?"

He emerges from the shadows of my room, directly across from me. When I see him I feel my breathing stop, and my body freezes in place. I shake my head, but I know that every muscle in my body is betraying me. He can see the way my body tenses, and how chills are emerging on every inch of visible flesh. His arms are folded across his chest, and I can't help it... I look at his hands... the hands that killed people... innocent people. I feel sick to my stomach when I think back on everything that has happened... Felix being dead... it just felt like a constant burning in my heart. I just want to snap my fingers and undo all the damage that had been done, but just when I feel like I'm about to start crying again, his voice brings me back to reality. A reality that I am still on his island, under his control, and that Peter Pan didn't tolerate weakness... Not when he was around anyway.

"Are you really going to ignore me? After I brought you back to your nice warm little house?"

I sigh.

"Why did you bring me back here?"

I ask in an attempt to avoid his question about being fearful of him. He didn't need to know the truth, even though I was sure he already knew. His smirk grows and he cocks an eyebrow.

"I left you there to watch over him. I didn't want him to wake alone, but then I thought about what he may do to you, and I couldn't have anything bad happen to you."

My jaw sets at his words.

"I shouldn't have been surprised that you'd leave me there..."

I pause for a second, my eyes trailing up and down his body.

"... It's what you're good at... abandoning people for your own selfish needs."

He chuckles.

"Ouch. Was that supposed to hurt love? Because it didn't... not even a little bit."

He looks amused as I ease up on how tense I am while I sit on my bed in front of him. I may be afraid of him, but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me like this. Seeing me react like all the others... coiling in fear and bending to his power.

"Of course it wouldn't hurt you Peter, you haven't got a heart."

I state this angrily as he rolls his eyes, his jaw setting.

"If I didn't have a heart would I be able to care for you?"

His words to anyone would else would sound like music... a perfect harmony manipulated and contorted to his devilish smirk, but to me they sounded like another one of his games. He was good at using my emotions to get what he wanted out of me, him being alive and well was the perfect example of that. I brought him back... just as I had brought back his son.

"The only person you care for is you. You don't even care about your family, or your beloved lost boys."

His grin grows.

"You know that's not true."

He takes a few steps towards the end of my bed resting his hands along the bed post. He hasn't been in my bedroom for a few months, but suddenly it felt wrong having him in here. I always knew that he was more evil than he looked, but I never dreamed he'd end up like this... His eyes trail my body before he meets my gaze.

"I never got the chance to thank you for helping me... for bringing me back."

I breathe in and out in silence as he walks around the end of my bed and dares to sit right in front of me.. only inches away.

"I don't need your thanks. I did as I promised, I owed it to you."

He chuckles darkly leaning in ever so slightly... and my breathing hitches.

"Is that the only reason you did it? Because I said so?"

His voice drips with a poison more venomous than dreamshade. I know of what he's implying, but I don't wish to speak of it. Peter pan's always sought the heart of the truest believer, but he wanted more than one heart. He seemed determined to have mine as well, but I didn't know why... perhaps it was another one of his games that he was determined to win. Owning my heart seemed to be a prize he wanted for himself. A trophy that proves I'm the same as everyone else... That I too am a puppet he controls.

"Of course Peter... what other reason would there be?"

He turns his head to the side still smirking at me, he leans in ever so slightly and brushes his lips against mine.

"Don't play dumb, especially when you're the furthest thing from it."

He breathes against my lips, not moving, and our tension reaches an all time high. My eyes flutter shut when he moves his lips against mine and hand are quick to guide me back into my bed. We hadn't been this close in months, and how could we be? He'd become so obsessed with the heart of the truest believer that we almost never saw each other. He only came to me when he wanted to be sure that if anything happened to him that there was a way he'd come back. He only came to me when he wanted something... At this thought I pull away from him, breaking our kiss, and my eyes open.

"What do you want Peter?"

I ask trying to catch my breath, his brow furrows in confusion for a moment.

"I wanted to thank you my little flower. To thank you for doing as I asked."

I move my eyes from his, finding comfort in the room around me. I couldn't bare to look at him any longer.. that smirk was driving me mad.

"You're welcome."

I whisper keeping my eyes from his. He sighs moving a hand to grasp my chin before forcing me to look at him.

"Are you angry with me?"

He asks amused. I look at him in disbelief.. of course I was mad at him. He'd not only killed his friend and mine, but he'd managed to ruin the lives of other people... his son included. I watch him in silence for a few seconds, how could someone so beautiful be this way? Why did he treat everyone like they were a pawn? Surely there was something he loved.

"Are you really as heartless as you act?"

I ask not caring if he got mad at me. His eyebrows raise, and his eyes move from my face to my body which he is still straddling. He sighs.

"I'm a complicated person Tigerlily."

He breathes out as we lock eyes.

"I know this..."

I whisper.

"...You've done awful things Peter. Do you ever just sit and think about it? You abandoned your son, and tried to steal the heart of your great grandson all for the sake of staying young forever. Complicated doesn't even begin to cover it."

His jaw clenches tightly as his gaze intensifies.

"My complications never stopped you did they my little flower? If it truly bugged you, I wouldn't be here."

I nod because he's right. I knew all of this before it had happened, but I still helped. I still helped because I cared about the man behind the monster facade he's created. Peter Pan isn't who he's always been, and that's why I did all of this... I had hope that somehow, even though he's been gone for a couple hundred years, he would change.

"You're right..."

I pause as victory flickers across his face, and a smugger smirk taunts me.

"... I let my heart cloud my judgment..."

I state this looking away from him as moves from me. My response isn't what he thought it would be. He stays close, but not as close as before. His body no longer touching mine.

"... Maybe I should take a page from your book..."

I lock eyes with him once more as we breathe in tension fill unison.

"... Maybe I should be heartless like you."


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm not heartless."

He states through clenched teeth, his eyes narrowing as he studies me. Our breathing is barely audible, and I don't know what to say back. I know that if I say anything it might anger him more... and that wasn't my intention.

"I'm sorry."

I whimper knowing that if I want to live I needed to not get him angry with me. I finally allow myself to look at him, and really look. He looks vulnerable because of my words, and a bit angry. I don't know if anyone has ever dissected his problems like I have, but I knew he didn't like it. He brings his lips down to the side of my head where he gives me a kiss before whispering in my ear.

"I have a question for you..."

He states completely over looking my previous words.

"...Why did you bring back my son when I only told you to only bring me back if anything happened?"

I look at Pan and sigh... I knew a lot happened in Storybrooke, but when Peter died... I felt it. I felt the dagger pierce me just as it had with him. I felt the connection also when Rumpelstiltskin stabbed himself. I don't know why I felt that connection or the burning desire to help them both, but I did.

"I did it because I felt for him... Just as I felt for you. Two lost boys in the world... doing whatever they could for self preservation. I wanted to give you both a chance at living again, and I knew there was a chance that you wouldn't like it, because I went against your rules, but at the time it didn't matter to me. I just wanted to do what was right."

He nods taking in my words, and allowing them to really register with him. He rests a hand on my face before leaning in to give me another kiss. I kiss him back, but the process doesn't go on for too long. I feel something tug at my heart, and I can't help, but break the kiss. I gasp and look down as I see that his hand is reaching for my heart pulling it out of my body. I grasp his shoulder with my right hand and look at him wide eyed as he literally holds my heart in his hands.

"That's the thing I've always loved about you my dear sweet Tiger Lily... you've always had such a lovely heart..."

He pauses his eyes trailing me up and down as he smirks again. He pulls away, his body no longer straddling mine. I fall to my side, landing on the bed as I watch him helplessly. He sits up in my bed and reaches underneath it revealing a small chest. He waves his hand over it, and it opens for him. He puts my heart in the chest before waving his hand over it again sealing it inside. He places the chest on the floor where he'd had it before.

"... But if you don't do as your told, you don't deserve it."

I lay there in shock... I have no idea what's just happened.

"Peter please."

I whimper as he chuckles.

"Oh I do love it when you beg..."

He watches me intently still sitting in front of me.

"...But bad girls get punished. If you prove that your worthy of your heart, I'll give it back to you."

He bites down on the bottom of his lip as I attempt to sit up, but fail. He smirks wider before turning from me, and getting up from my bed.

"Don't strain yourself little flower. I'll be back in no time."

I watch him helplessly as he walks away from me. I don't know where he's going, but there isn't a way for me to follow him. My breathing is uneasy as I try to sit up once more, this time I'm more successful. I run my hands over my chest, feeling chills go up my spine when I don't feel a heartbeat. How was I alive without a heart? I get up from my bed feeling anxious from everything that happened. He took my heart... how could he take my heart? How could he do that to me after all I'd done for him? I move to the fire in attempt to feel something... anything. I didn't know if it was because he took my heart or if I was traumatized... I feel empty without my heart. I run my hands through my long black hair... I watch the embers as they burn feeling lifeless. The only sound I can hear is my breathing, but my thoughts were all over the place. I don't know how long I stand in front of the fire, but I know that I need to get out. My little house was seeming to grow smaller the longer I stood inside. I walk across the ground, my bare feet brushing dirt with each step I take. I feel like I can't breathe, and it's not until I am outside my little home that I feel like I can again. I walk through the grass finding comfort in the nature that never land has to offer. I don't remember a time when I didn't live here... I knew my ancestors lived here many years ago, but I didn't always. I don't remember my parents... not anymore. Never land seemed to be a good place for distraction, and it was easy to forget the world in a place where time stood still. I weave my way through the forest until I reach the clearing that leads to the water. I've always felt comforted by the water, and all I could do was hope that it would make me feel better again. I sit at the edge of the beach, and put my legs in the water. I need to calm myself down, but I didn't know if I could after what just happened. I want to start crying, and I know I should be after everything that happened, but I can't. I don't feel anything... I still feel empty, and numb. I bite down on the bottom of my lip... I don't know why I don't feel anything, but I know it's because of Peter.

"Did I tell you that you could leave?"

His voice echos off the water when he speaks. I don't look at him, I instead, keep staring at the water. He sighs before walking forward. I can hear him walk across the grass until he reaches me, and when he does I look at him.

"I needed air."

I tell him before looking back at the water. Looking at him should've made me mad, but I still felt nothing. He sits down next to me looking out at the water with me. It was moments like this that made me almost forget how vicious he could be, moments like this he seemed human... just like he was when I first met him. I look at him out of the corner of my eye and find that he is doing the same.

"I don't feel anything."

I whisper as I turn my face to look at him, and a small smirk flickers across his face.

"That usually happens when you don't have a heart. You become numb..."

He pauses reaching out to touch me, his hand on my knee.

"...You are in my control completely."

I sigh as he gestures for me to move in a bit closer, which I do without question.

"Why did you do it?"

I ask him as he pulls me in against him and I rest my head against his chest as he holds me. I know that I shouldn't be anywhere near him, but I feel like I have to do as he asks.

"You wanted to be heartless love, so I gave you what you wanted."

I pull myself forward and glance back at him.

"So you pulled my heart from my chest? How could you?"

I ask knowing that if I had my heart I'd be a complete mess... but fortunately for him and me... I am cold.

"This doesn't change anything..."

He states looking down at me with a cocked eyebrow.

"...It doesn't change how I feel about you."

I don't know what to say back, but my silence doesn't seem to concern him. He leans forward pressing his lips to mine, and his hands cup my face.

"Why do you do this...?"

I ask when the kiss is broken and he rests his forehead against mine.

"...Why do you say such sweet words, when you don't mean them?"

He sighs.

"How do you know I don't mean them? I've always treated you differently than I treat the others. I gave you a nice little home, and I've protected you from anyone who I viewed to be as a threat. You know I mean them Tiger Lily."

I want to believe him, but I feel like I can't.

"How do I know you weren't just using me because you knew that I had the ability to save you if someone hurt you. You probably only let me think you cared because you wanted something from me, you manipulated me just as you have with almost everyone else."

He watches me with a smirk as I tell him my theories. It's as if he knows something I don't... I want to ask him, but I don't. I look away from him because I don't know what else there is to say. No one could change Pan's mind when it was made up. The second I look away his grip on me tightens slightly. His at this moment that I feel a thought flicker through my head, but it isn't a regular thought... it feels almost like a memory... a memory from many years ago...

The house was quiet, but the outside traffic was loud. The hustle and bustle of the town only seemed to grow when night reached us. I sigh as I run my hands over my apron as I stand in the kitchen making dinner. My husband works late at the pub, and while he is only 20 he does his job well. He's been there for over a few months, but I knew his boss was fond of him... but his constant working made me lonely... I wish I had another person to talk to and spend time with. I have been alone all day, and I was excited to see him when he got home. I stare out the window of our little flat that resides above the pub where he works, and watch as the carriages all move through the streets of London. It keeps my mind off of the wait. When he comes home just after midnight he smells of liquor... he does drink, but never enough to warrant this kind of smell. He seems tired when he walks through the front door, and anger is written all over his face.

"Malcolm?"

I ask from the window as I glance over my shoulder to meet his gaze. Malcolm had problems with gambling, and never seemed to be able to turn down playing a game. Sometimes it was my favorite thing about him, but on nights like tonight I could see that it was bringing out the worst in him. Malcolm never liked to loose, never.

"What's wrong? I know that look, somethings bugging you."

I come away from the window after I turn to face him. He closes the door behind him and breathes in a deep sigh.

"It's been a long night."

He states taking small steps into the room. I walk until I meet him in the middle of our living area.

"I'm sorry..."

I whisper as I reach for him,placing my hands on his chest while I look up at him.

"...I made you your favorite dish for dinner."

He gives me a small smile when I say this.

"How did I get lucky enough to come home to you?"

He asks leaning in to press his lips to mine.

"Maybe a fairy granted my wishes, and finally gave me a real man."

I smile up at him as he raises his eyebrows with a small smirk.

"Fairies, and magic aren't real Amalia."

He kisses me once more before he pulls away, walking to where I prepared food earlier.  
"How do you know that? Do you have proof?"

I ask him giggling as he grabs a bowl and starts pouring himself some of the stew I've prepared. He glances over his shoulder and watches me as I walk forward.

"What has you in such a playful mood? First you've made me my favorite food, and now your giggling."

I look at him and sigh, he's always seen through me. We'd met when we were both only 17 years old, and from the beginning we'd had a connection.

"I wanted to talk to you about something I've been thinking about..."

I pause as reaches for the proper silver wear before turning to me and giving me his full attention. I was afraid of this conversation... we'd never talked about children, but lately I was alone all the time, and I felt like now was the perfect time for us to start a family.

"... I wanted to ask you about maybe starting a family."

I look at the ground suddenly nervous. I hear him breathe in another deep sigh along with the sound of his bowl being put down on the table next to him.

"Amalia... I was never meant to be a father."

He whispers as I glance up from the ground and meet his gaze. I move my hands to hold myself and nod. I shouldn't be surprised given his background with his own parents... he was abandoned by his parents when he was really small, and lived in an orphanage until he was old enough to work.

"I understand..."

My voice comes out in a barely audible whisper as I state this in disappointment. As I turn from him, I want to cry feeling frustrated with myself. I should've known better.

"... I'll let you eat your dinner. I need to wash up anyway."

I give him a small smile, but I can tell that he's not happy with the situation. I don't say a word as I walk away from him, turning down the hallway that is just off the dinning area. I want to cry, but I don't until I am safely tucked inside our room. I close the door, and move to our bed. I cover my mouth to muffle the sound of my crying as tears move down my face. I had no reason to be angry, but I found that I was. He got to work all day, and spend time with others, playing games, and gambling, but here I was at home alone all day. I wanted a child, and I wanted someone who I could take care of and love... not that I don't love my husband, but I wanted to feel complete, and it broke my heart that he didn't want the same. I lay in bed holding myself tightly, and I do this for several minutes, crying in silence. I only stop crying when I hear the bedroom door open and footsteps are heard. The bed dips down on his side as he lays down next to me. He wraps his arm around my waist.

"I didn't mean to make you cry my little lily..."

He whispers kissing the back of my head.

"...Please don't cry."

His voice is soothing when he speaks.

"I'm sorry."

I mumble as he holds me closer.

"Don't be sorry... If you want a family..."

He pauses as I glance back at him.

"...Then let's have a family."

I feel chills go up my spine when I come out of my own thoughts. What was that? A memory? It felt so real... it felt like I was reliving something. My gaze is still not meeting his as he reaches forward wrapping his hand around my jaw before forcing me to look up at him. When our eyes meet I know he can see the tears in my eyes... I may not have a heart, but the memory of feelings was enough to give me the illusion that I had a heart once again. He looks confused when he sees the tears, but he doesn't ask for me to explain. I tremble suddenly feeling cold as I realize that the man from my memory is the same person holding me in his arms. This man was my husband... he was the love of my life...

"Malcolm?"

I whisper in question as his eyes widen... the name haunts him, and I can see it in his eyes. He nods without a word passing his lips, and he guides his lips to mine. When kisses me I feel a flicker of a memory... something that validates that this is the same man from my memories.

"You remember..."

He whispers against my lips.

"... You remember my name? My real name?"

He doesn't pull from me, he instead keeps his face inches from mine. I nod biting down on the bottom of my lip as my eyes flicker up and down his face. He looked different to me after my memory... older than he was before.

"What is happening to me?"

I ask looking from him and I take in the nature around me once more. I didn't know what to do... or if I could do anything. I felt like I was loosing my mind, and I probably should be... none of this was normal. I pull myself out of his grasp and stand, I feel the way I did in my house. Like the world was suddenly ten times smaller. He watches me, not moving from where he's sitting on the ground.

"You're remembering."

He whispers softly as I fold my arms across my chest.

"Who am I?"

I ask in as he watches me intently.

"You'll see soon enough my little flower."

He lays back in the grass staring up at the stars, and I look down at him. It wasn't until now that I realized the full extent of Peter pan's mystery. In the many years I had spent with him I didn't realize how little I knew about him. Not only did I not know him, but I didn't know me. Everything suddenly felt like a game with missing pieces. With all the missing pieces, nothing made sense... I look down at him and finally understand why I cared for him from the second we met... I look at him and sigh.

"I'm tired of your games."

I whisper walking up away from him, and back through the patches of grass, going back the way I came. He's not concerned with me leaving because he knows that I can't get off the island, and that no one can without his consent.

"That's the thing love..."

He shouts from where he's laying.

"...My games are the reason you love me."

I freeze in place for only a moment, glancing over my shoulder to see him still laying on the ground. I should be frustrated... but I know that even if I had my heart I would love him still... because he's right... just like he always is. Because Peter Pan never fails at being right.


	4. Chapter 4

"I feel something so right

By doing the wrong thing And I feel something so wrong

By doing the right thing

I couldn't lie, couldn't lie, couldn't lie

Everything that kills me makes me feel alive"-One Republic

It's nightfall before he returns to my little home… It's cold on the island, but it seemed abnormally frigid… maybe it was my lack of a heart, but I felt chills go up my spine. When he comes back he walks through the front entrance as I stand in front of the fire where I'm making myself dinner.

"Peter?"

I ask before I glance over my shoulder to see him standing in the doorway his body pressed up against the door frame, arms folded across his chest. His eyes are on me when I finally turn to face him, his tongue darting past his lips for only a moment.

"Yes?…"

He asks back giving me a small smirk, but there's anger on his face… a burning rage flickers in his eyes as he stands there.

"…What's wrong?"

One half of me doesn't want to know, but the other half feels like I need to know. I want to make sure he's alright, even though I was still angry with him.

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with. Everything is right where I want it to be."

He unfolds his arms from his chest before taking a few more steps into my little home. I sigh watching every move he makes. I don't know why he's being so secretive with me… It wasn't like I could do anything without his consent anyway.

"Are you going to never tell me anything Peter?…"

I pause as his eyes meet mine.

"… Are you always going to keep me in the dark? You can trust me."

He raises his eyebrows before sighing.

"If I tell you everything, you might talk if the right people come asking questions."

My brow furrows ever so slightly at his words…

"People are going to ask questions? Who?"

There isn't anyone here in Never land, other than Pan and Rumpelstiltskin… There was no one else left. Everyone left on Hook's ship… 2 months ago. I look at Pan almost hoping he would give me answers, but I knew he wouldn't. I sigh nodding before turning back to the fire where my stew is still cooking. I watch the flames as the engulf the edges of the black cauldron. I hold myself as I watch it feeling the chills from the cold once more. It's only a few seconds that I watch the fire, but the process doesn't last long. I feel arms wrap around my waist, his chin resting against my shoulder.

"I've always hated when you pouted… I never liked to see that pretty little face of yours unhappy."

He kisses the side of my head after he whispers this in my ear. I close my eyes as his warm breath lingers on my neck.

"I don't mean to be unhappy.. I just wish you'd tell me things."

He chuckles.

"I took your heart because of a wish love, you should be careful when you tell me your desires."

I freeze when he says this… The loss of my heart had been on a constant loop since he took it hours ago…

"Why are you doing this?"

I practically beg while he holds my body to his.

"It's the price of the game my flower."

His chest presses up against my back as my breathing hitches.

"Must you always play with me?"

I ask in a breathy whisper as he turns me to face him, guiding my body in against his. He smirks when he sees my hesitance. He's one step ahead… just like he always is. His hands move to the hem of my nightdress as he lifts it up ever so slightly, his fingertips running up my thighs.

"Yes, yes I must."

His voice is almost like a low growl when he says this. His eyes dance up and down me, he scans every possible piece of visible flesh before moving us forward, my back pressing against the wall of my home. His hands lift up my dress a few inches more, and his eyes watch me carefully as they calculate every reaction I have. As dangerous as I know he is, I find that there's a certain amount of safety I have when we are alone.

"You're a cruel boy."

I whimper when the gap between us is closed and his chest is now fully against mine. A dark chuckle escapes his lips.

"You know I never behave… never have."

I lock eyes with him as his lips make their way for mine, and I kiss him back with everything I've got. It's like there's a fire brewing between the both of us. An unspoken war needing to be fought, but I was sure that he would win… just as he always does. It's as he continues to kiss me that his hands move up my nightdress stopping after moving his hand up a few inches. The act alone is enough to send chills up my spine. I never liked how he teased me when we were like this, but I would be lying if I said I didn't thrive on it. My hunger for Peter Pan was the only thing that seemed to consume me, and he knew it.

"Peter?"

My voice asks breathless as his hands become daring, and curious.

"Yes my little flower?"

His head moves the side and his eyebrows raise ever so slightly as he taunts me, his breath against my lip after he speaks.

"Please… I know you like to play games, but for my sake… if you're going to touch me I wish you would."

He chuckles as he leans in to kiss me once more. He's slower this time when he kisses me, his hands move from my thighs and instead move to the wall I'm pressed against. I feel frustrated as he kisses me knowing that the whole reason he's doing this so slowly is to taunt me even more. He bites down on the bottom of my lip causing me to groan in response.

"I do love touching you little flower."

He pulls back to look at me his eyes watching me intently as I breathe in and out breathlessly. He's impressed with how disoriented I am because of his lips alone. He moves his hands back to my legs lifting me up without saying a word. I wrap my arms around his shoulders so I don't fall from his grasp. He guides me to my bed laying me down beneath him, his body straddling mine. He guides his lips to my neck. My eyes flutter closed, and I know that it's not the best idea to be with him like this, but that has never stopped me before. His touch is familiar, and I know it's because of what I learned earlier in the night. He was someone who used to mean a lot to me… He was someone I was in love with at one time in my life. I may not remember everything, but every touch sent memories flickering through my brain with his every caress. I bite down on my bottom lip to repress a moan as his hands once again dare to go up my thigh until they reach where I need them most. Maybe it was slowly remembering who I was, but this time when he touched me it felt different than the other times. There seemed to be hints of care behind the touch, even though I know he'd never admit any feelings to me, not verbally anyway. His fingers taunt me in the best and cruelest of ways, my uneven breath seems to draw him closer to me, his smirk never leaving his lips. I hissed as his touch accelerated, and clothes were lost. The familiarity with him only seemed to reach an all time high with each passing moment he touched me. He had me memorized without even looking. He had me eating out of the palm of his hands, but even I knew he was doing this for more than just pleasure. He was distracting me from something… something big… something I was going to figure out, because that was the best thing about not having a heart… I no longer feared him.

***Please tell me if this is any good :) please and thank you! :)


	5. Chapter 5

"**I will keep quiet  
You won't even know I'm here  
You won't suspect a thing  
You won't see me in the mirror  
But I crept into your heart  
You can't make me disappear  
Til I make you"- Digital Daggers**

The moonlight shines in through the window of my home. Little rays of light touching the base of my feet while I lay in bed. He lays behind me his eyes closed, and his hands behind his head. The picture of content, arrogant intent. His completely bare body comfortably wrapped up in my sheets. I sit up in the bed peering out the widow, looking out at the moon. I feel chills all over me, and bumps on my skin. My long black hair is a mess, tasseled around with loose waves from when his fingers entangled themselves in the strands while I lay in bed at the mercy of his heated grasp. I look from the moon and down to my legs as they lay directly in the moonlight. I can't sleep, because I know that he's keeping something from me. I know that something is troubling him… I just wish he would trust me enough to tell him. But maybe that's how you become king… by keeping people at an arm's length… not letting them see something your enemy could use against them. I glance over my shoulder when he stirs, but he isn't awake, and I'm thankful for that. With him asleep I actually could think. I had time to breath… maybe that was another positive to not having a heart. Nothing troubled me when I couldn't feel emotion. I needed to figure out everything on my own… especially since he wasn't going to tell me a thing. I draw my legs up and hold them to my chest, resting my elbows on my knees, and I hold my head in my hands. I can't breathe, for the second time in a day. There is darkness all around me, but the darkness isn't only from the night. The metaphorical shadows plague me as I sit at the end of my bed, alone while he's blissfully unaware of what haunts me. I feel my thoughts abruptly stop as his lips move to my back.

"Little flower, what troubles you?"

His devilish voice taunts me as his lips drift to my shoulder blade. His lips firmly plant another kiss before my breathing hitches, and his hands hold my shoulders in place.

"You do."

I whimper as I close my eyes as his lips find my neck and my head falls back giving him more access to the flesh provided for him.

"Don't I always…"

His voice sings with a melody that was as alluring as the music his flute plays. He's as enticing as a demon seeking a new victim, only I'm not a new victim… I'm one he's played with more than once.

"… Isn't it my job to trouble you my little flower?"

I bite down on the bottom of my lip as his tongue dances across the skin of my neck. I don't want to make a sound, but I am certain that, that is his goal. His hands move from my shoulders, and instead trail down the front of my body. He groans and I can't help but smile to myself, even though I have no heart, lust seemed to be something I could feel. Peters lips move from my neck, and instead his teeth tug at my earlobe.

"Are you going to tell me what really troubles you? Or do I need to get it out of you in my own way?"

The gravel in his voice makes my breathing stop for a moment. His lips move from my ear, and his hands move from me. He was going to torture the answers out of me… I knew it. I glance over my shoulder, my gaze meeting his.

"I'll talk when you do."

I state as his eyes darken, and his mouth forms a satisfied smile.

"Is that a threat? Are you trying to negotiate with me?"

He asks this as I turn my face from him. I don't know if toying with him was a good idea, but I want to.

I turn my body to face him as he lays back in my bed, eyes staring at me with cruel intent.

"Would you be willing to negotiate with me…?"

I pause as I remember the memory I had earlier in the day… the way he used to be, before all of this. He'd negotiated with me in the past, maybe he would do it now.

"… Just as you did all those years ago… back when we were together."

He knows of what moment I am referring to, and his smirk falters for a moment when he thinks about that night.

"We both know that was a different time, with different circumstances."

He says this with his jaw clenches, and his gaze moves from mine. He glares at the bed as I scoot forward on the bed. He tenses when I move closer, but not out of fear…. there is another reason behind his hesitance, and I do not know what it is…

"Peter… please don't do that."

He looks up from the bed sheets, hatred in his eyes.

"Don't do what?"

He asks, eyebrows raising ever so slightly.

"Don't be cold with me. You're the only person I remember ever knowing. The only one who's ever shown me kindness, and cruelty. Don't let me be more alone than I already am."

I whisper the last part of my sentence because I suddenly am unsure of if I'm being wise by telling him everything I feel. He sighs, and I know that he doesn't want to deal with me right now. He was a man of schemes and games… he didn't want to deal with me or my pleas for him to be there for me. From what I could remember, he was good at leaving me all alone, and only seeking my attention when he needed something. I brush my fingers over the blankets of my bed as an awkward silence sweeps over us. I almost wished I never said anything… I missed the closeness we'd had only moments ago. I run my fingers over my arms as I hold myself. He sighs once more before I feel him move across the bed, the mattress bending from his body weight. I don't look up until he uses his left hand index finger to guide my chin up. I look at him and I see the anger in his face, but the sympathy in his eyes.

"I never meant to leave you alone all the time…"

He pauses looking at me before liking his lips.

"…I wanted the best for my wife… And then when you wanted children, I had to work even harder."

He removes his grasp from my chin, moving in ever so slightly. I feel tears flicker to my face as I remember how desperately I wanted a child… back when he was all mine and I was all his, many lifetimes ago. I feel everything I felt the night I told him I wanted to take the next step.

"I am sorry Peter… for everything I did in the past. I pressured you into having a child, when I should've respected that."

He chuckles as his right hand moves to my shoulder, his fingers playing with the base of my hair.

"I had no problem with making babies with you. You know how much I love touching you, kissing you, having you be mine in every possible way…"

His voice drifts as lust flickers and burns behind his gaze.

"… I didn't even mind when you got pregnant."

I feel my breathing come to a sudden stop… I didn't remember that part. I didn't remember having a child with him, but then again I didn't remember our life together hundreds of years ago.

"I-I had a baby?"

I ask, shock etched into my voice. He smirks his eyes trailing up and down my body as his fingers graze the skin of my arm.

"Yes, you did. You and I had a son."

I feel the sadness of my memory fade, and a sense of relief washes over me. I wasn't supposed to have feelings… he took my heart, so how was now feeling?

"What was his name?"

I ask as amusement flickers to his face.

"Lets make it a game."

He whispers, eyes still on my body as he continues to let his fingers run along my skin. Goosebumps start to form under his touch, and I breathe a deep sigh.

"Peter… I please just tell me."

He chuckles once more.

"You want answers my lily? Then you need to play along."

I lock eyes with him once more as his gaze meets mine.

"Fine."  
I whisper as he grins.

"It's a thinking game I want to play, and you'll be good at this. You've always been so very smart…"

He pauses as his lips brush against mine.

"… I know you'll figure it out within minutes. It's not a difficult thinking game…"  
His breath is hot on my neck as his lips descend where they'd been only minutes ago.

"… Now my little lily… we had a child, and he's still alive… in fact you've met him."

I freeze at his touch…. I've met him… Peter pan's son is on the island… his only son… which made him… mine?

"Rumpelstiltskin?"

I whisper in awe as he pulls back to look at me. The smirk still dances across his handsome face, I know by the look on his face that I'm right. My son is on the island? Peter and I had a son and he was alive? I study his face as his hands hold me once more, only this time the grip is tighter… so tight its almost painful.

"You're so smart my little lily…"

He pauses a dark chuckle moves passed his lips.

"… Too smart for your own good."


	6. Chapter 6

"I scraped my knees while I was praying  
And found a demon in my safest haven  
Seems like it's getting harder to believe in anything  
Than just to get lost in all my selfish thoughts."- Paramore

"Are you going to hurt me?"

I whisper as his grip on me tightens, his lips descending against mine. He lays back in my bed before he guides me to straddle him.

"Why would I do that love? Why would I harm you?"

He growls this before kissing me again. He may not be saying anything, but all I could feel was danger radiating off of him. I could feel his anger, his torment... it existed behind his every touch. I hoped it wasn't me who made him feel this way, but I couldn't help but feel like it was.

"I can sense when you're angry Peter... Have I done something?"

I whimper this once his lips move from mine, his gaze is on me. His eyes study me as though it's the first time he's ever seen me. I can tell he's debating something... a plan probably. There is a kindness in his smile, but the burning desire tells me another story.. He was hiding something...My only hope is that its not something awful.

"You haven't done a thing..."

He whispers as his hands trail up the thighs that are on either side of him as he lays in my bed. His focus is on me, and how low my nightdress seems to hang. His tongue dances over his lips for a second before he murmurs.

"...You've done everything perfectly right. You did as I told you. You my sweet, sweet girl, have played the game flawlessly."

I nod wordlessly as his hands make their way under my nightdress.

"Then why are you acting so cold? I only wanted to know the truth Peter... I should know the truth."

He gives me a playful smirk before nodding.

"Of course you had the right to know... But that doesn't mean I wanted you to know."

I look at him unsure of how I should reply to him. When he says this I know instantly that this was the very thing he was keeping from me. The very thing he spent the night distracting me from.

"Then why tell me? Why waste the time on me? The energy of telling me the things you want hidden from me."

I ask him this without any emotion as he lifts his head from my pillow. His face inches from mine... those lips tauntingly flawless. He smiles as though he knows something I don't.

"You're not getting it..."

He pauses throwing me a quick glance.

"... Since we first met, all those years ago, you've been the only one who can make me do the things I don't want to do."

I run my hands along his shirtless torso and breathe in slow, steady breaths. I can feel the tension building... the lust becoming more prominent as my hands travel his skin.

"How is that possible? Peter Pan never does what he doesn't want to."

I whisper this as the muscles of his torso tense under my touch, a dark chuckle passes his lips.

"Because I love you."

My hands stop dead in their place as I look up at him, his eyes intently on me when I do. Peter never told anyone that he loved them. Love didn't seem to be something he could do... or feel... It just wasn't him. He uses my silence to smirk and stare at me. He knows I'm taken back by shock, and I think he enjoys it... seeing me completely shocked in his arms... at his mercy. He chuckles once more, the cruelty of his laugh making goosebumps plague my flesh.

"Don't be so shocked... You must know I love you."

I shake my head in protest suddenly feeling the need to keep my eyes from his.

"I've never heard you even mutter the words... not to anyone."

It was true... he never said he loved anyone... not even his own son... our son. At the thought of him I feel angry. Angry with Peter for keeping him from me... I wanted to see my son. After all of this time I knew I deserved to see him, and I was going to find away with or without his help.

"If you love me as you claim you do... I need you to prove it..."

I whisper before looking at him once more. He raises his eyebrows, and nods without speaking.

"... I need you to take me to my son. I need to see him Peter."

He sighs.

"He won't react well to that if you go to him. He doesn't even remember you... you died when he was really little. He'll think it's one of my games or that I'm trying to trick him. He might hurt you... he has magic too."

I run my hands up his torso and stop once I reach his chest, my right palm over his heart.

"Then protect me. This is your island, and I've heard you say it before... nothing happens here without your permission. Just make sure he doesn't kill me."

He chuckles when I say this.

"I know I have a hard time saying no to you, but you need to remember what you're up against. He's the dark one Tiger lily."

I nod.

"But you're Peter Pan, and Peter Pan never fails."

I say this hoping that it will change his mind... that he'll let me go. He leans forward pressing his lips to mine giving me a quick kiss. His hands move from my thighs, and instead entwine themselves in my long black hair. I kiss him back, feeling dizzy at the intensity of his desire. Once Peter got started he didn't stop... He pulls away, his lips still inches from mine as he rests his head against mine.

"I'll take you in the morning... But don't say I didn't warn you."

The cave is as cold as I remember it being. Dark, misty, and it smelled worse than anything I've ever smelled before. Peter stays close to me with every step I take, following behind me. I know that my son is the dark one, but I hoped that he wouldn't be too hard to speak with. I wasn't going to go tell him that I was his mum right away, no he'd never believe me if I did, but I did want to see him. We stop when I don't know which way to go anymore, and he steps around me. Once Peter is in front of me, guiding me through the narrow confines of the cave I begin to wonder if this was such a good idea. It's not until we reach where he left him last that I can tell that there's actual life in this cave. Peter stops when we reach where we need to be. He lights a torch without taking a step near it, his magic doing all the work for him. He steps aside, and once he does I see the man I helped bring back to life. The man who I learned was my son only hours ago... He sits on one of the many large rocks scattered around the cave, with his back against the wall. There is a tray of food in front of him, untouched, but he looks like he's starving. I don't blame him for not eating Pan's food, he probably doesn't trust the man giving it to him. I look at the male before I dare to look at Peter. He seems intent on keeping is gaze on me... I think he's intrigued by my reaction to the person in front of me, but I was unsure of how I should react... or how I could react. I didn't know what to say... I couldn't just act maternal... I didn't even know how to be, and even if I did he wouldn't believe me.

"Hello laddie."

Peter's voice echos through the cave, and it sends shivers up my spine. He is cold in his tone, and if I didn't know that it was his son, I would think he is speaking to an enemy. Rumpelstiltskin looks at him and it's as though he is numb. Numb from the cold, numb from the starvation, and numb from the lack of emotion his father gives him. They study each other for several seconds before Rumpelstiltskin's eyes move to me. When they reach me I feel fear... a fear that hits too close to home, even for me.

"Who's our guest?"

He asks, ignoring Peter's words. Peter sighs glancing over his shoulder to look at me, he stretches out a hand gesturing for me to come closer. I am unsure of if I should get closer... what would happen if I did? Would the infamous Rumpelstiltskin kill me, or would I have hope that he'd give me a chance? I look at the ground as I take a step forward.

"This is Tiger Lily."  
Peter says this, his voice low, and controlled. He won't tell Rumple who I really am... not until he had to. He was avoiding this whole interaction and I knew he was, but I didn't know why. I stand next to Pan and Rumpelstiltskin smirks.

"Your plaything I assume."

He whispers this cruelly with hints of judgment behind his words. Peter sighs.

"Now son, is that anyway to treat a lady?"

He asks taking a step in front of me, blocking me slightly from Rumple's vision, but I know that he can still see me. Rumpelstiltskin chuckles.

"I doubt she's a lady if she keeps you as company."

I feel a pang of some undetectable emotion flicker through me when he says this. I feel like he hates me and he hasn't even given me a chance to prove myself. I understand why he feels this way, but it still managed to get under my skin. Peter steps aside and glances back at me.

"I told you he wouldn't want to meet you."

He whispers it, but it's just loud enough for him to hear... I can see the confusion on his face.

"And why would she want to meet me?"

He asks as Peter smiles.

"My plaything wanted to meet my son..."

He pauses pulling me forward.

"... You see when she brought me back, she brought you back too."

Rumpelstiltskin is hesitant as he watches me. I take a step forward, and hope that he doesn't do anything.

"Why did you bring me back?"

He asks looking from me to his father. I clasp my hands together feeling my arms start to shake in fear... this wasn't just a mother meeting her son... this was a mother meeting her son who just happened to be one of the darkest people on this planet... but after being with Peter for so long I shouldn't be phased. Peter was no better... in fact, he was worse.

"I didn't think you deserved that fate."

I whisper this with my eyes on the ground. The sound of his chuckle echoes throughout the cave... it's as cruel as his father's.

"Really? How kind of you to care for me, but do you realize what you've done?.."

He pauses as my gaze moves from the ground to him. He looks at his father with pure fear and hatred... all conflicting him at once. When he looks back at me I feel the full hatred he feels for his father.

"... You've brought back the one person in this world we all should fear. Whatever he's promised you, whatever he's said... know that he will break his promise. He always does."

When he says this I think back to every conversation Peter and I had prior to this very moment. Peter Pan didn't always keep his word, and I knew that. In fact, I expected him to lie or take back his word all for the sake of the game. I don't speak a word as Rumpelstiltskin's eyes narrow... the dark one seems to see more than I thought he could.

"Where is your heart?"

He asks standing up from the rock where he's been sitting.

"I took her heart."

Peter states simply in response, as he moves to stand in front of me. He seems tense when he sees his sons sudden movements, and it's his protective gestures only seem to intrigue the dark one.

"That's the only way you'd ever get it papa... by forcefully removing it."

He speaks through clenched teeth, and I can feel the tension build between father and son. Only seconds pass between him speaking and what happens next. Peter has Rumple pressed up against the wall of the cave. Both of their breathing is uneasy and I can tell Peter wants to rip our son limb from limb, but I wasn't about to let that happen. I move quickly in an attempt to stop him. I couldn't let him hurt Rumple... not when Rumple had every right to despise his father. He had every right to say the things he said and think the way he thought. They are in a struggle both of them desperate to hurt the other. It doesn't take long for Peter to move a hand to Rumple's neck and make him gasp for air. I feel panic move through me when he does this... I don't want anything to happen to my son... I just got him back. I take the necessary steps forward before reaching them. I rest my hand against Peter's back and I feel him freeze in place when I do.

"Peter stop... you're hurting him."

I whisper this as he freezes, he doesn't move his hand from him and his son's breathing becomes more cut off from the pressure. I move my hand down his back and he breathes a deep sigh before he lets go. Rumpelstiltskin's body slides down the wall of the cave before hitting the ground with a light thud. I move from Peter to Rumple, I keep my distance, but kneel down next to him as he tries to steady his breathing.

"Are you alright?"

I ask him as he looks at me, nodding without speaking a word. I look back at Peter with terror in my eyes... I knew that he was dangerous, but seeing him do this to his son... to our son seemed to make my stomach turn. I know he can see my disapproval, and he rolls his eyes. He takes a few steps back keeping his gaze on his son and me, his eyes narrowed.

"I should've known you'd pick him over me."

He whispers this as I stand up looking at him sadly. I want to reach out to him, and wipe the hatred off his face, but I can't. He backs away farther as I extend my hand, trying to touch his arm in a moment of affection. He thinks I chose our son over him... But I didn't. I just didn't want anyone to get hurt. I've never wanted anyone to get hurt...

"Peter please."

I whimper as he shakes his head.

"If you want to take his side then you can. And you can stay here."

I blink and he's gone. He left me alone with the one person who I knew would hurt me if he wanted to, because he didn't know who I was, and even if he did I wasn't sure that I was safe. The dark one didn't get to be the most feared person in all the realms by listening to the people he viewed as a threat. He did it by killing first, and asking questions later...


	7. Chapter 7

"Won't you come out  
We could paint the town red  
Kill a little time  
You can sleep when you're dead  
Cause it isn't over yet  
Get it out of your head

Chase a couple hearts  
We could leave 'em in shreds  
Meet me in the gutter  
Make the devil your friend  
Just remember what I said  
Cause it isn't over yet  
Just remember what I said  
Cause it isn't over yet"-digital daggers

I stare at where Pan exited only moments ago. I am frightened… more than I've ever been before. I am alone in a cave with the one person who could hurt me… I glance over my shoulder and sigh.

"Hurts doesn't it? Being abandoned by the person you care about."

I nod without speaking in response. The infamous dark one pities me and I can tell… he knows how I feel, because he's gone through it too. I turn to face him looking at the cold cave floor. I can hear him struggle to stand back up, but I am quick to take a few steps forward, lending a hand out to take his. I help him up and he studies me cautiously. He looks at me and I see a glimmer of familiarity flicker in his eyes. It's as if he knows me, but I know he doesn't. His eyes are brown like mine…

"Do I know you?"

He asks as I shake my head in protest.

"No sir, no you do not."

I whisper this back as I move my hand from him, folding my arms across my chest. I shiver as I look around the cave, suddenly feeling bad that he's spent the past few days here while pan and I played house in the warmth… He sighs looking at the goosebumps that form on my flesh, he walks around me and moves to where he'd made a fire before. Next to is untouched food there is firewood, using his magic, he starts the flames. The second the flames begin I feel a small wave of warmth, and I'm thankful for it.

"How do you know Pan?"

Rumpelstiltskin asks me this as I sit on the ground in front of the fire. I glance up at him and shrug my shoulders. I can't tell him the truth… even though I want to.

"It's complicated… We have history."

I whisper as he raises his eyebrows, he's interested in what I've said, but I know that I can't say much more. I look away and instead look at the embers.

"Be warned dearie… he's not to be trusted."

I nod. I knew this unfortunately… A person who kills their best friend all for revenge and power was not to be trusted…

"I know, and that's the problem… I love him anyway."

I whisper the last part of the sentence as he sits down next to me on the ground.

"Love him?"

He asks as I nod once more.

"Surely you've loved someone you shouldn't have."

I state lifelessly as I bring my pant covered legs to my chest, holding myself. Maybe telling him how I felt wasn't the best idea… perhaps is he knew too much he'd do something awful to Peter. Maybe try to use me as bait… which wouldn't work. Even though Peter told me he loved me, I still knew how much he cared for himself. He cared more about his own little kingdom and how much power he has… More than he's probably ever going to care for me. Rumple seems intrigued by my words, he sighs looking at the fire as I glance at him out of the corner of my eye.

"I have."

Is all he says in response. As silence descends upon us. The fire keeps me warm, but I shutter to think of what Pan will have in mind for me if he ever decides to let me out of this cave…

"I bet you think he actually cares for you…"

He states lifelessly from beside me. I sigh closing my eyes… He was speaking my worst fear. That I'm dumb enough to believe that Peter Pan could ever care for me. I can feel his gaze on me when I open my eyes.

"…You're not the only one who's made that mistake."

He whispers. I can tell by the tone he's using that he's referring to himself. I knew that Peter had a son, and I knew that he'd abandoned him here many years ago for his own selfish wishes. I felt for the man sitting next to me… the whole reason he was here was because I wanted a son. I wanted a son more than anything, and Peter only caved for my sake, not because he wanted a son too. I left this child in the hands of a man who never wanted one. It was my fault this man became the way he is… his fate is my doing…. I want to cry, but I know that my lack of a heart makes that impossible.

"I'm sorry…"

I murmur breaking the silence.

"… For what he's done to you."

The fire seems to get a bit higher when I apologize, it's as if his magic is tied to his emotions.

"How do you know of what he's done to me?"

He asks as I smile bitterly.

"He trusted me enough to tell me about you."

His gaze meets mine and he takes a hesitant breath. I knew that he was suspicious of me, but I didn't have much to hide from him. The only thing I was keeping from him was that I am his mum…

"Pan trusts no one."

I bite down on the bottom of my lip running my hand over my chest suddenly wishing I could feel my heartbeat… or feel anything.

"I know."

***Peter's Pov***

The island is silent. The absence of lost boys is apparent… My feet hit the dirt ground hard with every step I take. The forest is calming as I stand in the middle of the clearing, after everything that occurred in the cave I needed the space. Never land is warm. I push past the branches with my free hand as I walk. I sigh when I turn to see my tree… the tree where it all started… The place where I let go of my old life, and entered this new life of eternal youth. I look at the hand that is grasping something.. the small chest that held my entire world's most important feature… Every person has a weakness, and she was mine. My own little flower all for me to have, to keep, to use… My fingers brush over over the chest as I hold the box in my hands. I lay it down the ground as I it next my thinking tree. This chest holds the one thing I've ever truly loved… the one person who can break me if she knew her true strength. I glare at the chest as I grasp it once more. I can hear the heartbeat through the box as I hold it. I sigh laying my head back against the bark of the tree trunk as I think about today and everything that has occurred. I left her in the cave with my son… our son, and I would worry about her getting out of the cave, but I know she can't. She's spelled in with the son she so desperately wanted to see… I smirk to myself at the very thought of how flawless my plan was going… I knew she'd want to meet him once I told her about him and I knew that she'd take his side if I threatened him. The game was working out in my favor, and she was once again playing the role perfectly. While she had no idea of what I was up to, I knew she'd still be the essential piece in my game. I needed to figure out how to live forever, and now that the heart of the trues believer was out of the question I needed to find another way… I needed access to the kind of magic only the dark one possessed, and the only way I'd get that was through Tiger lily. I wave my hand over the chest and it opens, Rumple won't tell me anything… but if he thinks that I've betrayed her he'll lean on her for support. He'll think she hates me as much as he does. She'll get him to trust her, and I'll figure out all of the things he doesn't want me to know. I pull her heart out of the box smiling at the beating organ… her beautiful heart. I bring the heart to my ear and listen… I can hear her voice, and my son's.

"Pan trusts no one."

Rumpelstiltskin's voice rings in her ears and I can feel her heart beat faster as he speaks. She is connected to him… even with out her heart…. and I would be lying if I said I didn't feel threatened by her instant connection with our son. She's been the only one I've ever fully allowed myself to love, and it made my stomach turn knowing that I wasn't her one and only. She loved more than just me…

"I know."

She whispers back to him. I clench my jaw when I hear her respond with such words… I stare at the heart with rage. She agreed with him? How could she after everything I have done for her? After I kept her safe from the others, and made sure she had everything she desired. I loved her when I loved no one else, and here I was listening to her words…. her betrayal.

"Do you trust him?"

He asks coldly, a coldness that I thought only I could posses when speaking to anyone. She chuckles lightly, nerves evident in that hauntingly beautiful laugh of hers.

"I want to… I always want to."

There is hope in her voice, but any hope she has seems to flee the second he speaks. He chuckles in an almost condescending tone.

"You can never trust him tiger lily. He never does the right thing. He only does what helps him."

I glance down at her heart as he says this and see the light in it dim ever so slightly… She sighs.

"I know."

The second she says this I feel something flicker inside of me… a feeling I haven't had in years. I felt lonely… If I didn't have her believing in me then who did I have? I put the heart back in the chest, and close it. I feel my smirk falter at her doubt in me… she'd never doubted me before, so why did she now? I knew I wasn't the same man she once knew, but I would be damned if my little flower started to wilt at the mention of me. She is mine, and I will not my son take her from me… no one would. She is mine, and I will never let her go. Never.


	8. Chapter 8

"Here comes the darkness  
It's eating on my soul  
Now that the spark has  
Run out of control  
This fire is raging  
I can't find the door  
I just want to die here  
But you wanted more  
You want me to burn  
Want me to burn  
Want me to hurt  
And maybe I will finally learn"- The Pretty Reckless

I am frozen as I lay in my bed, no amount of covers can keep me warm. I cannot sleep and I have no idea why. My eyes flutter open and I breathe a deep sigh of frustration. My mum will be angry with me if I do not get sleep, but I fear that I may not be able to. For the last few nights I have heard the strangest, most enchanting music. It is a haunting melody, but it would seem that my parents do not hear it, and they think me insane for being able to. The sound only comes in the night at the same time, midnight. I sit up in bed and look around my bedroom, it is dark, but I can still make out the shapes of my dresser, and the carpet under my bed. I take a breath pulling back my blankets, and as I do I hear the music. At first it is so quiet that I fear I am making myself hear it. I slip on my slippers before moving to the window where I glance out at the town roads. At first there is no one there, but after a few minutes of music playing I see the silhouettes of my neighbors in the streets. Over the last few nights whenever the music played, the boys from my town would sneak out of their homes and go to find the source of our enchantment... I had been too cowardly to join them, but tonight as I watch from the safety of my bedroom, I decide maybe it would be the best night to do so. I nod to myself once I've made my decision. I was going to find the piper who's music haunted me. I am quiet as I change into a suitable dress, and reach for my cloak to keep myself warm. I wear my most appropriate shoes, for I do not know where the journey will take me.I am silent as I creep through the house trying to make it out without my parents hearing. My house is one of the larger homes in my town, it is a maze that's hard to navigate in the day, but even harder to navigate at night. I try to be quiet, my hands carefully gripping the side of the wall as I walk along the hallway. I don't want to be found out, but I want to know where the music is coming from, and why it isn't effecting my parents. When I am outside I follow the many boys who are sneaking out just as I am. I don't follow too closely behind them, because I know my joining them will be frowned upon, a girl sneaking off in the middle of the night with a bunch of boys was not something girls my age did. I have no idea how we all have managed to escape our parent's grasps, but we have managed to... We weave through the dark streets of the enchanted forest, passing the dark windows of the town homes. Eventually we reach the outskirts of town, and we move to the woods, my feet brushing over the cold, damp, and muddy grass. It is dark, but as I look through the trees I can make out a fire... a fire that burns brighter and brighter until we reach the clearing. In the center of this clearing is a fire that burns high, higher than anything I've ever seen before. There are more than a dozen boys all wearing masks. They are dancing around the fire to the music, and making a lot of noise. I look around completely entranced by how much fun they're having... I have never had that much fun in my life. I was not allowed to. I am so engrossed in my surroundings that I do not watch my step as I walk. I bump into someone else, my arm brushing theirs.. It's the arm of the person playing the pipe... the pipe causing such lovely music to be heard. They stop playing, their hands falling at their sides.

"I am terribly sorry."

I whisper as they use the hand not grasping the pipe to pull the hood of their cloak back. When it falls back my eyes widen, the person playing is a boy, and he looks no older than I. There's a cruelty in his eyes as his gaze focuses on mine. He is handsome, and for some reason that makes him more intimidating to me.

"Watch where you are going next time..."

He pauses as realization flickers to his face... he looks as though he knows me...

"... Little flower? Is that you?"

He says this as though no one else is around, as if it is only him and I... and to be honest it felt like that. It felt like my world stop spinning and there is nothing else, but him. I shake my head in protest when he calls me the nickname, but I also do it because I need to 'snap' out of it... clearly he thinks he knows me.

"I'm sorry, you must have me mistaken for someone else... Do I know you?"

I ask as I feel familiarity radiate off of him. He seems intrigued when I say this... There is a determination in his eyes that I haven't seen in anyone before.

"Maybe not now, but you will."

He whispers this as his free hand stretches out for mine. At first I do not know what he wants, but as soon as realization hits me I take his hand before he gives it a proper shake.

"Oh? And how do you propose I do that?"

I ask as he smirks, eyes moving along my body as though I am something to play with. It makes my stomach turn, and curiosity flashes through my body.

"A game of course."

He whispers before he licks his lips intently. I smile ever since I was a little girl I've enjoyed competition... and I've always loved games.

"Well then be prepared to lose, I never lose."  
I whisper this as I look up at him, feeling my cheeks redden when his eyes drift up and down my body. No boy had ever looked at me like this, especially a boy as handsome as he is. He chuckles once more.

"We will have to see about that won't we?"

My body jerks as I awaken. For a moment I don't realize what just happened... I had a memory... I must've fallen asleep... The fire is warm, and it's illuminating the small cave around me. I haven't moved since Peter left, four hours of sitting on the cave ground was leaving me numb. I sit up, my hands brushing the cold cave floor which causes chills to move up my spine. Needing to warm up, I reach my hands out for the fire, my fingers only inches away from the embers. I am still stuck in my memory... the memory of the boy that lured me in with his magic, his music, and his devilish smirk...

"Don't get too close you'll get burned."

Rumpelstiltskin's voice breaks me out of my trance and I nod.  
"Seems to be the lesson of the day."

I let out a nervous chuckle as I dare to look over at him. He goes to to say something in response, but when he does the fire in front of us goes out. I stand up instantly feeling fear... Pan hurt people he got angry with. I didn't want to die... not when I loved him so much. I know Rumpelstiltskin is watching me, but I don't care if he sees my fear. Peter Pan is someone everyone should fear... he could do terrible things.

"Calm down dearie... it will be okay."

He whispers this from next to me and I shake my head. He didn't know how wrong he is... Pan had my heart, literally and figuratively. He can hurt me because I allowed myself to care for him... He could make me do anything he wanted... What would hurt worse if Pan did decide to take out his anger on me... he could hurt me just by using my love for him against me.

"He'll hurt me... or worse he'll hurt you."

I whisper this to myself as I run my hands through my hair as my nerves start to get the best of me. I bite down on the bottom of my lip as I look around the cave... I felt like at any moment he was going to creep out of the shadows.

"What would it matter to you if he hurt me?"

He says this, and I can tell he's a bit closer than he was before. I know I should fear him as much as Pan, but I found oddly comforted around him. Maybe it was because we were both two broken souls, hurt by the same man.

"I just do. I don't find enjoyment in innocent people getting hurt."

He holds back a chuckle, which causes me to look at him.

"You really aren't like him... are you?"

I shrug my shoulders looking around the cave... Pan was going to arrive at any moment and this wasn't the best time to talk about my character, or who I was or wasn't. The light in the cave seems to darken and I can sense him... he's here.

"The question isn't is she like me or not... the question is can you trust her?"

I hear pan and my breathing stops... he was going to play a game with Rumple? Get him to not trust me and ruin any chance of me getting to know my son. I close my eyes feeling frustrated...

"Peter enough."

I shout through clenched teeth as the fire in front of us starts to blaze once more. I can see him standing on the other side of the cave, a smirk on his face, and cruel intent in his eyes.

"Oh how I love it when you get fiery with me... Makes me love you more."

I fold my arms across my chest. I want to slap him across the face, but I don't, I instead, hold my ground. I don't need Rumple or Pan seeing my uncertainty.

"Come on love, you've been in this cave long enough."

I don't move when he speaks to me, which only seems to bug him. Ever since he came to Never land he'd been in charge, and he had people eating out of the palm of his hand, playing according to his rules. I was just as bad as the rest of them... but now I knew that I didn't want to be like them anymore... I needed to be more than his toy. His jaw clenches as he looks between me and Rumple. There is anger in his eyes and I know that Peter was capable of anything when he was angry.

"Can you really trust her Rumple? I mean she probably hasn't even told you who she is."

My eyes widen when he says this... was he going to tell him? He smirks when he sees the way my face contorts to fear. Rumpelstiltskin looks over at me unsure... and I can't fully read him.

"Who are you?"

He asks as I turn ever so slightly to face him. I am speechless... I don't think now is the right time to tell him, but when I look at Peter I realize that I have no other choice. This is his game... seeing me squirm. I breathe in a deep sigh before I look at Rumple.

"I-I was your mother.. In another life."

I whisper this while looking him dead in the eyes. I see rage flicker through his eyes, and betrayal on his face. This admission hit a little too close to home. A boy who grew up without a mother would surely not know what to say if that said mother returned. Rumple shakes his head, moving his gaze from mine. He chuckles but not because he finds me funny, because he finds my admission to be a joke.

"No jokes dearie. Who are you really?"

He takes a step forward, and I take a step back keeping my eyes on my son. If he hurt me, I'd invite it, it's got to better than what Pan has planned for me.

"I'm not joking..."

I state as I put my hands up in defense.

"... Think about it, you told me you thought you knew me. Plus I brought you back, against Pan's wishes I brought you back."

I feel Peter's eyes on me when I call him Pan, the hatred boiling over. I watch Rumpelstiltskin hoping he doesn't kill me, and when he takes another step closer I fear that he will, but he doesn't. He looks over his shoulder and studies Peter.

"Is she telling the truth, or is she some poor girl you've brainwashed?"

Peter smirks at his son before his gaze meets mine.

"Oh she's telling the truth my boy... She is who she claims to be."

I look at the man I love and sigh. I am beyond frustrated with him... this game was sheer manipulation, and he was trying to get Rumple to not trust me. Peter's smirk grows as he extends his hand.

"Come on love, you've dealt with enough today."

I don't move, but he does, his footsteps growing closer and closer to me. He extends his hands for mine, taking my hands.

"I don't want to leave him in here."

I whisper as he chuckles.

"As if you have any choice in the matter."

He pulls me in against him ignoring our son's eyes, as he licks his lips.

"Please, don't leave him in here."

I whisper looking up into his eyes in the most pleading of ways, but it doesn't work. He rolls his eyes firmly taking my arm as he pulls me with him. I try to pull out of his grasp, and I look over my shoulder to look at Rumple. I feel tears in my eyes, my heartstrings pulling with every passing step. I want to cry, but I don't... I can't show weakness. Rumpelstiltskin watches me blankly as I mouth,

'I'm sorry.'

I didn't want to leave him, but Peter's grip only seemed to grow tighter as he pulls me with him. I turn back to watch where I am going, and all I can feel is betrayal. Cold, heartless, betrayal, and what made it worse was it was the man I love doing it to me...


	9. Chapter 9

"Every night, I dream you're still here.

The ghost by my side, so perfect so clear.

When I awake, you disappear,

Back to the shadows

With all I hold dear..

With all I hold dear..

I dream you're still here."- Digital Daggers

His grip is tight on me as he pulls me through the cave, until we leave and step outside. His grip is so tight it burns, it burns more than anything I've ever felt before. I pull my hand, but it does not leave his grasp.

"Peter stop."

I state as I plant my feet firmly in the ground so he can no longer drag me with him. He sighs in frustration before turning to face me.

"What you pulled back there won't be tolerated."

He says this to me through clenched teeth and I'm forced to look at him in confusion... I had no idea what he meant... Was it because I refused to stand by and watch him hurt a man? Or was it because, for the first time we've been together I've gone against his precious commands?

"What are you talking about? I haven't done anything."

Amusement dances across his face after I say this and it is as if he knows something I don't.

"You forget my sweet girl that I have eyes and ears all over the island, nothing you say will go unheard... especially your lack of belief in me... I've got to say that hurt my feelings."

I roll my eyes when he says this. How did he know that? And how could he? Without his lost boys to spy how did he know what I'd said in the cave?

"Oh please you don't have feelings Peter."

I state this as I glare up at him. He reaches for me, my body being pressed up against his within seconds.

"When did you get so brave? Huh? When did you decide you could talk to me this way?"

I clench my jaw as I take in his words... Before today I had been afraid of him. I had been afraid of what the evil and ruthless Peter Pan could do to me. Him and his handsome face, with his cruel intentions, but now I wasn't. I think on it, and realize that there is only one possible reason for my new found fearlessness...

"When you pulled my heart from my body. That's when I stopped caring."

I pull out of his grasp, and watch him as he figures out what he wants to do next. He's clearly angry with me, but I don't care... I couldn't.

"You seemed to care last night when I made you mine... when your bedroom was engulfed in the sound of our moans."

He says this as though he's trying to prove to himself that I'm wrong. I push past him before glancing over my shoulder to state;

"Peter lust has nothing to do with caring... lust is all about power, you should know that better than anyone."

He raises his eyebrows at my words, and a cruel grin moves to his face.

"I don't know if I find your honesty intriguing or stupid love."

I shrug my shoulders, not really caring for his opinion.

"If you're going to hurt me Peter, just do it. Enough of the foreplay."

He chuckles folding his arms across his chest.

"Foreplay is just the beginning..."

I turn back to face him and sigh.

"I hate you Peter Pan, I really do..."

I whisper this as my gaze meets his.

"... I hate that you are vicious to everyone you meet. You're rude, you're arrogant, but oh how I love you... And I wish I didn't."

I bite down on the bottom of my lip before I sigh once more. It's my turn to fold my arms across my chest as he looks at me. He moves in closer his cruelty written all over his face.

"You've always loved me my little lily... always..."

He pauses as he pulls me in against him once more, his mouth suddenly too close for me to think strait.

"... And I have always loved you."

I look up into his eyes as his arms wrap around my waist, I feel so vulnerable with him this close, but I know there's nothing I can do to escape him, and I couldn't if I tried.

"Why keep him locked away Peter? Why do any of this? Just let the man go."

I look at him feeling like I've been defeated. I needed answers, because slowly I was realizing that I didn't know the man in front of me... I only knew what he wanted me to know. He sighs as his hands move to the small of my back, and they get a bit too curious which causes me to stiffen, when he kept his distance I didn't care, but now that he was up close I found fear moving through me. He licks his lips intently when he sees my nervousness under his touch.

"I have plans little flower, I always do."

I nod allowing my fingers to trace over the fabric of his shirt.

"Tell me... please? Peter I want to know."

He presses his lips to mine, hands in my hair. My eyes flutter closed and I kiss him back, but I'm not doing it for him. I'm doing it because I hope he'll tell me what I want to know if I humor him. He breaks the kiss, but presses his forehead to mine.

"You always want to know."

I sigh.

"Is it so wrong of me to want you to be honest with me? I want you to tell me things."

He sighs, his gaze seeming to harden and anger seems to ripple in his eyes.

"I'll tell you when I'm ready to."

I nod taking in his words, he moves his hands from me, and my eyes follow them, suddenly unsure as to what he's up to. He reaches for a chest that seems to have appeared out of nowhere. He laughs at the surprise on my face, as he holds the chest in his hands.

"Remember my little flower in Neverland all you have to do is think it, for it to happen."

I nod as I look closer at the chest... it is the same one that holds my heart... what was he going to do with it? I lick my lips suddenly unsure of what was going to happen next. He holds the chest in his left hand before waving his right over the chest causing the lid of the chest to creek open. It's the second that it opens that I can hear my heart, and it's gentle beating. It was almost taunting me... it was so close, but I felt helpless... I couldn't touch it, he wouldn't let me. He opens the chest and pulls out my heart. I can't look away even though I probably should.

"W-What are you doing?"

I ask as a grin appears on his perfect lips. He holds my heart, moving it closer and closer to my chest, he presses my heart to my shirt covered chest right above where my heart should be. He watches me as my breathing hitches... was he going to put it back? Or was this an evil, sick and twisted game? He shoves my heart into my body, and the wind gets knocked out of me. I close my eyes the second I feel my heart beat again, after days without it. I look up at him and suddenly everything I should've felt comes rushing to the surface. I feel everything... Tears enter my eyes as I look at him suddenly feeling the urge to cry. There were so many things I wasn't allowed to feel when he had my heart, but now I could. I finally felt human again.

"Why did you give me back my heart?"

He chuckles.

"Because I figured you learned your lesson."

With my heart back, suddenly his words had weight. Suddenly him speaking to me felt like it was going to break me into dozens of pieces.

"I need air..."

I whisper as I look up at him. I felt like I was naked in front of him, and it hit me how insecure I felt under his dominant gaze.

"... I need some time away for a few minutes... m-may I walk in the forest?"

He nods as I break away from the closeness we'd had. Usually he doesn't want me to venture out into his island, but I guess he had nothing left to hide. I walk past him my feet moving feeling heavy with each step I take. I feel like I haven't had any control over my body over the last few days, and I guess in a way I didn't. I don't look to see if he's watching me as I move into the forest, and I don't care if he is. I just feel the distance between us growing bigger and bigger with each step I take. My hands move to my chest right above my heart where I feel my heart beat. I close my eyes feeling peaceful now that I am whole once again. My mind keeps going over the last few days... over the fact that I knew about my son and who he was. I keep thinking back on how close Peter and I had been and everything he'd done. I wanted to be mad at him, and a part of me was, but I just couldn't bring myself to hate him. I weave my way through the forest not knowing where I am going, and I'm unsure of how I'll find my way back, but I needed the space. I walk until I reach the base of a tree, a tree with a hole in the side, and a ladder is tucked inside, I can see the bottom of the ladder, and it peaks my curiosity. Was this where Tink lived? I never knew because Peter never let me out of my little house. I walk to the ladder and stare up at where it leads. I normally don't go looking in places where Pan might get angry with me, but it didn't matter... what would he have to hide from me? I grip the bars of the ladder and slowly work my way up, one by one. When I reach the top I see what looks to be an old bedroom. A bed lays in the middle of the room, a comforter is a faded pink, and looks like it's lived more than most people ever do. There are white curtains hanging with lace detail, it looks like a lovely little tree house, but I know that it isn't Tinkerbell's. I pull myself up and take a step on the wooden floor of the tree house, the bed has iron bed post and headboard, and it's as beautiful as the lace curtains. Whoever lived here had been here a long time, and was very well taken care of. I look around the room before I see an old writing desk. Whoever lived here, lived isolated from the others... I could tell by how faded and used everything was. This person hadn't been free in a while... when I reach the writing desk, I allow my fingertips to graze over the old cherry wood. There is a book on top of the desk, a diary of sorts. I lift the diary and open it, the handwriting inside is a woman's...

'He is cruel. He is vicious, and I was wrong to come back... I thought I could save Bae, by returning, but I was wrong. So very, very wrong. He keeps me hidden from the others, locked away in this house in the woods. I am far, but at night I can hear the echo of their cheers through the forest, and eventually it reaches me. I feel alone, but I do not want to join them, for I know what they are capable of. These children may look like boys, but they are something far worse, an evil that cannot be controlled, and their leader encourages it. When I first learned of magic, I thought it to be such a wonderful thing, with endless possibilities. But Bae was right... magic was bad, and I should never have let it in. It was a choice I was going to have to live with... forever.'

I turn the page and read another entry. I know that it is wrong to invade someone's personal space, but Wendy was no longer in Neverland, and I couldn't help it. I felt drawn to her words, and the way she wrote it with perfect cursive.

'He calls me Wendy bird when he's cross. He says it when he seeks my comfort in the middle of the night. Peter Pan would never admit it, but he's as lonely as the rest of us. He comes to me when he needs someone to speak with, confiding in me in a way that I never thought he would. It isn't just talking that he uses to seek comfort... After a few months of me being in Neverland, the cruelest boy I've ever met came to me, and the strangest of things happened to me... He kissed me. He showed up in my little home after getting into an argument with Felix, he, without speaking a word sought me out and was quick to find a distraction... me. He was feverish in his kisses and rough in his touches until I gave him everything I had to give.'

I shut the book after reading it, knowing that I've read too much. I feel guilty for reading her journal, but I also feel angry. Not at her, but at him. I remember the nights that Wendy came to Neverland, the first and the last. I remember his anger when he found out that a girl had used the shadow to enter his island. I was here when she was... I was here when he was with her, and when he was with me. I feel my heart break as I put the diary back down on the desk.

"I'm sorry Wendy."

I whisper feeling awful for reading her book... the book where she so fearlessly poured out her feelings.

I close my eyes as tears spill over, and the room fills with the sound of my cries. After I put the book down I know that I am not alone, I can feel the other presence behind me.

"What's the matter little flower?"

Peter's voice asks as I look over my shoulder to see him. He is the picture of power, and arrogance. I sigh...

"I know you're secret."


	10. Chapter 10

"Say you have a little faith in me  
Just close your eyes and let me lead  
Follow me home  
Need to have a little trust in me  
Just close your eyes and let me lead  
Follow me home  
To where the lonely ones roam"-Digital Daggers

"I know your secret."

My words seemed to echo throughout the small confines of Wendy's old tree house. Peter's arms are still wrapped around my waist, and there is no sign of distress on his face. He leans in to kiss the side of my head, I close my eyes at his touch. There is a darkness in his touch… a darkness that seemed to want to consume me and rid my thoughts of everything I have just learned. Peter Pan had loved Wendy Darling in the most ravenous of ways. At one time he had her, just as he has me… the two of us wrapped around his finger. He pulled our strings and we willingly played his game without even realizing it…

"She didn't mean anything little flower, it's only you I want."

His voice is a low growl in my ear as his hands move to my pants. His fingers are graceful and quick as he toys with the fabric. A tear escapes my eye when I open them forcing myself to face the realness of the situation at hand.

"Did you tell her that as well?"

It comes out as a whisper, but I know he hears me. He stills his actions chuckling.

"My sweet little love, she knew nothing of you. She only knew what I told her to know."

He practically purrs the response as his lips move to my neck where he gives my skin a soft kiss. Chills move up my spine as he says this to me. How could he be so cold? How could he use us all… like we were pawns in his game? None of us truly mattered to him unless we had what he wanted, but what did he want from me? What did I have left to give? What did I ever give him other than something for him to toy with.

"I only knew what you told me."

I mumble this as his lips move further down my neck. Without meaning to I lean my head back allowing him more access, even though I should be pushing him away. He seems amused by my bodies willingness to have him touch me, but my mind seemed to be disappointed in me.

"I'm the king of Neverland none of you know a thing without my consent."

His statement only further proves how power hungry he is, and it fully breaks me out of my lust. I breathe in a deep sigh before I move my hands over his, and unfasten his grip on me. I take a few steps forward before turning to face him, once I'm away from him I can think strait.

"Please stop touching me…"

I whisper looking up at him, I feel like I'm going to shatter like a fragile vase. His gaze alone is enough to make me break.

"… Stop lying to me. Everything you say is one big manipulation, one big game that you're trying to play…"

I pause feeling frustrated, I must sound ridiculous with how I'm rambling, but I couldn't help it.

"… And I'm done playing."

I move across the room stopping when I reach Wendy's writing desk I grab her journal. I pick it up and turn to face him once more.

"You've tormented me and her. You've abandoned your son, and killed your best friend. I'm tired of you doing this… and it's because your afraid. Afraid of dying, afraid of responsibility. You hide behind your power and think it makes you look strong, but all you are is a coward."

I throw the book at him and glare with a new level of hatred flickering through me. I've never disliked him, never to this extent. He catches the book, he glares up at me. Never in the hundreds of years we'd spent together had I lashed out him like this. He flips open the old pages of the journal, the sounds of crisp parchment slicing through the silence of our tension. His eyes scan over one of the pages and a smirk plagues his handsome face he licks his lips intently before speaking next.

"How much did you read? Because this page is very detailed, and very steamy. I had no idea our sex meant this much to her… My little Wendy bird."

He speaks slowly over pronouncing each syllable while his gaze slowly moves to meet mine. He's trying to get a rise out of me by mentioning the two of them and what they had done…. but I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction, instead I roll my eyes.

"You used her, just as you've used me."

He holds in a chuckle as cruel humor flickers to his eyes.

"You act like you've never done anything wrong my love, but if you remember correctly you've had your moments… Felix was fond of you, and you of him…"

His voice drifts as my throat aches at the mere mention of Felix. Of course he'd bring him up… It was already a sensitive topic to me, but now was the worst time to bring him up… I feel the tears move to my eyes at the mere mention of him.

"… You remember the night he tried to steal a kiss? Before he knew who's you were… When I made you watch as I beat him, because I remember. I remember the night like it was yesterday, you cried for me to stop… You clung to me hoping that somehow I'd show mercy, you begged for me to stop just as you've begged for me to stop tormenting you…"

His voice drifts as I take a step forward.

"… But I will do whatever I want with you, just as I always have. And there's nothing you can do about it."

I feel like I am going to burst. He's pushing me because he wants to watch me come undone… He wants to see me become vulnerable, and show weakness.

"You leave him out of this, Felix isn't your concern… Not anymore."

My eyes scan him up and down as I move up to him stopping inches from him. I hold in any tears as he smirks down at me, his eyes intently watching the way my chest rises and falls in frustration. I don't dare break his gaze as I try to calm my thoughts. I don't want to yell.. I don't want to keep fighting over something that was in the past. Right now I needed to think about the present… and right now Rumple needed my help. I need to be one step ahead of him… I needed to play his game… I sigh as tears escape my eyes… I'm beyond frustrated, but I have to keep going.

"Just stop…"

I whisper I move my gaze from his. I sound desperate… hell I feel desperate.

"… Just please… I am tired of fighting."

I lean in pressing my lips to his, he is surprised by me kissing him especially after the words we'd exchanged. I run my fingers over his as he holds Wendy's journal firmly in his hands. It's the only thing keeping our chests from touching. He deepens the kiss, but I am quickly overwhelmed.

"You know how much I love you…"

He whispers when I break the kiss, his eyes scanning me… his warm breath on my lips as he remains inches from me.

"… You know I didn't mean it."

I nod as I think of what to do next… I need to get out of here, but the close proximity was making it hard to think… I needed to get Rumple out of the cave. Pan uses many spells, but they're all bound by blood… I sigh as I move my hands against his, I use my right hand index finger lifting one of the pages up against his skin.

"You promise you didn't mean it? You promise that you love me, and only me. That it was all a big mistake?…"

I whisper this against his lips, I give him a wide eyed gaze as he looks down at me nodding. There is a longing look in his eyes, and I breathe a deep sigh leaning in ever so slightly to press my lips to his. I close my eyes and act like I'm giving in to him, just as he would expect me to.

"…I forgive you."

I whisper breathlessly as I press the page of the parchment against the palm of his skin, but he doesn't notice. He's too busy staring down at me to actually notice. He smirks as he moves his lips back to mine once more. He chuckles as he kisses me, but I don't care. He thinks he won… I press the parchment against his skin with all the pressure I can apply before I slice it against his flesh. He breaks the kiss looking down at me once he's realized what I've done. The sound of paper slicing against his flesh scared me more than I'd like to admit. I must've cut deep because… blood gushes all over the pages of Wendy's journal. His brow furrows as he glances down at me.

"You little…"

He growls as he looks from me to his hand, he watches the blood as it drips over the edge and onto the floor. He doesn't get a chance to say anything else because I lift my leg to kick him where it counts. I kick him with all I've got, and he falls to the ground. He gasps as I look down at him knowing that when he feels better he is going to kill me… No one defeated Peter Pan… much less his little toy… I feel tears, but I don't cry.

"I love you…"

I whimper as I bend down to grab the journal, drenched in his blood.

"… And I'm sorry Peter… I'm so sorry, but you gave me no other choice."

I turn from him deciding I need leave now, because each second that passed Pan was slowly regaining strength. I had to run away… and I had to do it now.


	11. Chapter 11

"There's a hollow in my chest  
Where the pride is striping  
All I'm trying to forget  
Wish i would reside again  
There's a weight in my soul  
It's a love i cannot hold  
It's a love i cannot win  
I need a quick fix  
Tell me you can cure this  
Come into my arms and make everything alright  
Cause your deep into the unknown  
You're my dark  
You're my dark, you're the spark"-Digital Daggers

My feet beat against the ground with each passing step I take. I haven't ran this fast in my life, but I had to.. he would find me. He could always find me.. this island was vast, but he could find me within seconds, and there was no telling what he'd do now... not after what I had done. Peter Pan has a nasty temper and I'd pissed him off, more than I ever have before. I weave my way through the tall grass and bushes of Neverland's jungle. I barely knew where I was going which only gave him more of an upper hand. I needed to find the cave... I needed to save the man who's life seemed to mean everything to me even though I hardly knew him.

"That's right run my little Lily... Let's see how far you get."

I can hear Pan's voice bellow throughout the forest, his voice seeming to echo off of the trees. I look behind me, but he isn't there... no one is there. He was going to mess with me... He wanted to drive me insane. I gasp as I trip over a rock, my body falling to the ground... I groan in frustration as I push myself up and make sure I'm still alone. There isn't a soul around me, but that didn't mean I was safe... I stand and fix my shirt. I grab the journal on the ground knowing I can't leave it behind. I close my eyes for a moment and think about where the cave is... and in which direction it would be. Many years ago my mother knew how to track people, it was something she learned from her people, and now here I was hoping that, that ability was somehow something that ran in my blood. I need to get away from Pan... I needed to not let him get inside my head despite what my heart wanted. I take a few steps forward as silently as I can, If I recalled correctly the cave wasn't too far from my home... My little house was behind me now, so was I going in the right direction? I hoped so.

"No matter where you go my little flower, I will always find you."

I hear Peter's voice once again, and all it does is add fuel to my fire... I run with new found purpose and no that I need to put more distance in between me and the king of Neverland. My breathing becomes more wheezy as I run farther and farther. He's probably letting me to get away... he probably wants to see me think I'm winning. To let me think that for once I have a chance... I reach a clearing where I see a wall of rock... rock that leads to the caves. The rocks, and the caves are located in the darkest part of Neverland, and no one dared go in there... except for me. I run into the darkness, the shadows engulfing me. Once I make it about halfway into the darkness, I press my back up against the rock as I try to steady my breathing. I close my eyes as the cold rock sends chills up my spine. I glance down at the book I'm still holding, with his blood all over it. I have no idea how I'm going to use this to break his spell... his shield to keep me out of the caves... The only way I can do it is I have his blood in my system... I open the book, and glance over the pages where his blood is... I look from the book to my own palm and know what I need to do. I sigh pressing the palm of my hand against the bloodied corner of the book. I close my eyes as I drag the palm of my hand against the sharp edge of the journal, I try to cut as deeply as possible because I know I need it in my system. It stings, but I ignore it, and instead move forward. It is hard to see in the shadows of the maze, I am cautious as I walk, hoping that he doesn't find me. The maze is almost like a zig-zag, going from left to right. I turn to my right when I reach the end and I see it.. the place I risked my life for. He would never trust me again, but I had to do this... or at least that's what I kept telling myself this. I look around, making sure that I'm alone before I move towards the cave. My feet brush against the dirt infested ground, my shoes probably growing even more muddy with each passing step. I freeze when I reach the entrance, looking once more to make sure that I am really alone. I look at the ground, and I can barely make out a line in the dirt, a line that Pan drew... this must where be the barrier keeping him in is. I sigh tucking some of my hair behind my ear before I grab the journal forcing my palm against the pages again, this time slicing in deeper. I feel desperate, desperate to save this man at any cost. I run my now bloody palm against the dirt of the ground right over the line he created, not caring if it gets infected. I look up at the doorway of the cave and sigh... Did it work? There was only one way to tell. The line is broken by my hand print, but that didn't tell me if I broke past the spell. I take a deep breath as I lift my right leg to put it over the line. Apart of me is hoping that it works, but the other part of me fears that something will happen and it will hurt... My foot makes it passed the line and I breathe a sigh of relief as I take a step back into the cave. I put the book on the ground of the cave, leaving it there before I take walk down the hall. There is no light this time to guide me, so I just use my hands to touch the sides as I go. My ears are also alert, I had no idea how far I was going to get... of if Pan would find me. I don't know where I am going, but I stop moving when I hear someone else in the caves with me. I freeze in place, my breathing hitches as I try to remain silent. He found me... and now he was going to punish me... He was going to hurt me... I go to turn farther into the cave, so I can try and hide, but I bump into someone. I almost scream, but their hand covers my mouth.

"Shh... it's only me."

I hear Rumple whisper this through the darkness, as he moves his hand from my mouth.

"Rumple?"

I whisper as if I need more proof that he is who says he is. He doesn't answer right away, he instead uses magic to light one of the torches lining the wall of the narrow confines of the cave halls. He looks at me like he's unsure of what to say, he simply nods before he studies me.

"Please tell me you know how to get out of Neverland..."

I murmur looking up at him. He shakes his head in protest, he doesn't know how to get out of Neverland? Perhaps I should've thought out this whole plan before acting on it. He breaks my train of thought when he reaches out to touch my hand, the one I sliced up. His brow furrows.

"Did he do this to you?"

He asks, as I shake my head 'no'.

"No, he had an enchantment on the cave, and I needed his blood to break it... I cut him, and ran, and then I cut myself... It was all very nasty."

I say it all really quickly, and for a moment I think he didn't catch everything I said, but he nods.

"Everything he does ends badly... but doing it without a backup plan. That wasn't wise."

He says it looking at me like I'm the most unintelligent person he's ever come into contact with.

"I know... I did it out of anger... I wasn't thinking..."

I look up at him wide eyed, suddenly remembering that this person is the dark one, was the dark one.

"...Please tell me somehow you know a way off the island. You're the dark one, surely you have some kind of tricks up your sleeve."

I am hopeful, and he can see it. He sighs nodding.

"I do know a way off the island... Pan's shadow can travel through realms, perhaps mine can too..."

He pauses looking at me.

"...But I don't know if you can come too."

I look at him and shrug my shoulders, none of that mattered... anymore. I just cared about him getting out, not me... Pan would never let me go.

"That doesn't matter... it only matters that you get out. You have a family at home, and those people need you."

He looks away from me when I say this, it seems like my words hurt him. I knew he'd never had a parent who was willing to do whatever it took to put their child first, but I was. I may not remember my past, but I remembered that feeling of wanting a child, of dreaming for a child. I'd wanted Rumple for so long, and now that I got him, I wasn't going to let anything bad happen to him. I was going to free him from the cage that is Neverland.

"Tigerlily..."

He whispers.

"...If you stay here, he will kill you. No one crosses Peter Pan and lives."

I nod, because I know first hand that this is true. I've seen him kill, I've seen him torture. I expected it, but I made my choice, and for the first time in our whole relationship I chose someone other than him. Someone other than my tormentor, the very man I still loved despite everything.

"I'm already dead Rumple. I'm living in a never ending lie, I'm unable to grow or change... I am merely a girl captured for his amusement. He likes the fact that I am stuck in a never ending state of love, and denial. My feelings cloud my judgment, and it leaves me numb... I'm already dead, he'll just make it official."

I turn from him for a moment before it really hits me that we need to get going, and soon.

"Your shadow... is it still attached or have you cut it from you?"

He thinks on it before answering.

"I cut it from me."

I bite down on the bottom of my lip.

"We need to leave the cave, and you can do what you need. If he appears I'll distract him."

He looks like he doesn't agree with my idea... he seems to hate it.

"And after I'm free, then what? You let him do what he wants to you?"

I keep my back to him as I walk down the narrow confines of the cave, it didn't matter what my fate was, this was going to happen. I close my eyes thinking of what Peter will do to me for this, for this betrayal, the pain I would feel. How slow he'd torture me, how he'd draw it out... how lustful he'd be while he did it. I want to cry out of fear, but I don't, I merely turn to look at him. I look at him without any real expression as I feel something I never thought I'd feel, acceptance.

"Yes, I will do what I should've done years ago... let him kill me."


End file.
